By Britt M’cheyl
I’m not big on tabloid gossip, but it’s hard not to notice the stories of Hollywood couples on the verge of divorce when you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. It’s usually the same mantra about someone’s desire to be free. They want to be free from the pain that the spouse has caused them or they just want to be free from the confines of marriage itself. Sometimes we aren’t even privy to the details of the split, but in the end somebody’s getting set free.
So many people think that marriage is about the honeymoon phase. When you first fall in love, it is blissful. I can still remember Stevie Wonder’s voice singing, “I don’t wanna bore you with it, oooh but I love you, I love you, I love you…” That was the song that played on the radio when my casa nova stepped out of the car and whisked me away under the stars to dance and…kiss. Yes, my first kiss with my husband was to the melodious sounds of the magnificent Stevie Wonder, and it was heavenly. Guess what? Marriage does not remain in the honeymoon stage, and I soon learned that very important fact shortly, and I mean shortly after saying my “I do’s.”.
This sounds so cliché, but those moments are the ones that take our breath away. The problem is some of us live for them. We get so caught up in those moments (present company included), that when we waltz down the aisle and repeat the infamous line, “for better or worse,” we pay no attention to the latter part of that statement. We are so convinced that with a love this strong, there will never be a “worse.” Oh to be in love!
Iron Sharpens Iron
I often hear people say (after they’ve been married for a bit), “They bring out the worst in me!” I hate to break it to you, but your spouse can’t bring out what’s not already there to begin with. I’m not saying that there aren’t reasons for people to separate and divorce, but I believe that the vast majority of issues can be dealt with if confronted quickly and taken to the Lord. Freedom doesn’t come from divorce. It comes from staying and confronting the issues otherwise known as your demons. Smile! It sounds rough, but it’s true. I hated to hear it when it was told to me, but truer words have never been spoken. I’m not free when I surround myself with people who only bring out the best in me. Diamonds are formed as a result of a great deal of pressure. We need people around us who ruffle our feathers a little and weed out the impurities. Who better for the job than our spouse? Don’t run from growth. Run to it and embrace the process. My husband showed me that I— with my perfect self— have a serious problem with my attitude. Who woulda thunk it? I also learned that I am super impatient and bull headed. Dealing with those issues in my personal life frees me to be the best mother, wife, friend, sister and overall powerhouse, anointed diva and sister in Christ that God called me to be. I’m free to be me.